British law

Society needs some certain laws.

For peace, the baddies must not spot flaws

Or rules they’d bend,

and then offend

And get away scot-free in the end!

But if we take a closer look

At that respectable rule book 

We’d find that to convict for treason

Some rules don’t seem to have much reason

And still they remain each passing season!

Take for example a postage stamp

You stuck it on, no light or lamp

On envelope, ‘twas upside down

The British monarch. The law would frown.

In Parliament House you felt unwell,

A heart attack, and down you fell

Illegal act! Off to the cell!

He’s dead sir, so you might as well.

In Scotland if a wanderer,

Knocked on your door: begged to enter.

For toilet trip, you must let him in.

Even the man you knew would sin?

Legally, a pregnant woman can,

Relieve herself in a policeman’s

Helmet! Or wherever she pleases

Let’s hope we never see those squeezes.

In York I’ve heard it is allowed

To murder a Scotsman if he’s too loud

Inside ancient city walls he must be,

On him, bow and arrow you must see.

If one day you felt paranoid

Wore a suit of armour to avoid

Those strangers who death stared you

Entering Houses of Parliament would be illegal too! 

A woman topless is not permitted

But in a tropical fish store it is admitted

That that same woman, if a clerk she be

From this illegal act she is free

Who ever thought of all these laws?

The creators I must applause

For publishing their bizarre ideas

In the rule book that all men fear

Giving all lawyers and judges some small cheer.