Im not ok

Im not alright

I am too damn tired

To continue this fight.

 

Im wearing a mask for the world

That hides a body made of charcoal

Im burnt out and bruised

Bled out and abused

Why cant i just end it all?

 

Ive carried this across continents

Atlas and his boulder

A body forged by hardship

But a mind left to smoulder

 

Im so sick of this

Im fucking over it

Why cant I just let go?

I dont care for me

So im done with being me

Someone hand me that rope.

 

My mind is breaking

My heart is quaking

Tell someone to turn the knife

Because I am done

With all these feelings

Its time to turn out the light

Turn out the light

 

Dont back out now

You want this to be done

You are so sick of life

And how it has always won

So deny it another victory

And seal its failure in your coffin

Just picture it

 

One last time

Dressed to the nines

Lie there in satin

Or burn and be scattered

It doesnt much matter

 

Because I want to be placed

Somewhere faraway

Removed from the memories

That torture me by day

Distanced from the dreams

That dissect me at night

 

Sick of unraveling at the seam

Revolted by the weakness inside of me

Enveloping abyssal despair

Embrace me entirely

And play with my hair

Sink me to the darkness

Take it all away

And make me heartless

And there I will stay

 

An emotional wreck

Sentimental at best

Things I want to give up

Things that no longer work

In a world so fucked up

Dont try and put me out

This fire is not the problem

It is this life I want to extinguish

And just be forgotten

 

When im dying inside

Sick of being alive

Take this gun

Put it to my head

Let someone else take my place

And live this life in my stead

Pull the trigger and watch me fall

The memories that tortured me

Tell their story on the wall

 

I won’t say goodbye

To this life I have not loved

And if you break down and cry

I will send down a dove

To comfort you and take away your pain

Its time for me to go

One last step, off this mortal plain.

A note from the author:

“I want to raise awareness about mental health, and fight the stigmas associated with it, through sharing my own experiences. Most of the time, I write about it. How it makes me feel. What is going on inside my mind.

I hope it will give others going through similar battles the freedom to speak more freely about their own struggles, without judgement or fear. You aren’t alone.”

Ed.: If you are struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts The Samaritans are a brilliant organisation, available to talk with at any time, 365 days a year. Their website is accessible here.