Dressed to the Nines
Im not ok
Im not alright
I am too damn tired
To continue this fight.
Im wearing a mask for the world
That hides a body made of charcoal
Im burnt out and bruised
Bled out and abused
Why cant i just end it all?
Ive carried this across continents
Atlas and his boulder
A body forged by hardship
But a mind left to smoulder
Im so sick of this
Im fucking over it
Why cant I just let go?
I dont care for me
So im done with being me
Someone hand me that rope.
My mind is breaking
My heart is quaking
Tell someone to turn the knife
Because I am done
With all these feelings
Its time to turn out the light
Turn out the light
Dont back out now
You want this to be done
You are so sick of life
And how it has always won
So deny it another victory
And seal its failure in your coffin
Just picture it
One last time
Dressed to the nines
Lie there in satin
Or burn and be scattered
It doesnt much matter
Because I want to be placed
Somewhere faraway
Removed from the memories
That torture me by day
Distanced from the dreams
That dissect me at night
Sick of unraveling at the seam
Revolted by the weakness inside of me
Enveloping abyssal despair
Embrace me entirely
And play with my hair
Sink me to the darkness
Take it all away
And make me heartless
And there I will stay
An emotional wreck
Sentimental at best
Things I want to give up
Things that no longer work
In a world so fucked up
Dont try and put me out
This fire is not the problem
It is this life I want to extinguish
And just be forgotten
When im dying inside
Sick of being alive
Take this gun
Put it to my head
Let someone else take my place
And live this life in my stead
Pull the trigger and watch me fall
The memories that tortured me
Tell their story on the wall
I won’t say goodbye
To this life I have not loved
And if you break down and cry
I will send down a dove
To comfort you and take away your pain
Its time for me to go
One last step, off this mortal plain.
A note from the author:
“I want to raise awareness about mental health, and fight the stigmas associated with it, through sharing my own experiences. Most of the time, I write about it. How it makes me feel. What is going on inside my mind.
I hope it will give others going through similar battles the freedom to speak more freely about their own struggles, without judgement or fear. You aren’t alone.”
Ed.: If you are struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts The Samaritans are a brilliant organisation, available to talk with at any time, 365 days a year. Their website is accessible here.